“You can’t help what you feel, but you can help how you behave.” ― Margaret Atwood
As a therapist and coach, I often meet with people who are feeling lost, stuck, or unsure about where their life is headed. They might say things like, “I don’t know what I want anymore” or “I just feel disconnected from myself.” Beneath these feelings is often a deeper longing for clarity—a vision for what they truly want their life to be about.
This uncertainty can stir up distressing emotions: frustration, sadness, anxiety, even hopelessness. One therapeutic approach that I often draw from in these moments is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). In ACT, there’s an emphasis on understanding what matters to you, your core values, so you can move toward a more meaningful life, even when it feels hard.
Rather than trying to eliminate discomfort or “fix” emotions, ACT invites us to clarify the qualities we want to embody and the life directions we want to move toward. Knowing your values becomes a compass for intentional and authentic living.
This article will walk you through what core values are, why they matter, and how you can begin to uncover your own.
What Are Core Values?
Core values are the deeply held beliefs and guiding principles that give your life meaning and direction. They’re not about what you achieve or check off a to-do list—they’re about how you want to live and who you want to be over time. Values are the qualities you aim to embody through your actions, even when things are difficult.
They help you answer questions like: “What kind of person do I want to be?” “What truly matters to me?”
In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), values are at the center of committed action. They’re not about following rigid rules or meeting others’ expectations. Instead, they serve as an internal compass, helping you to act with purpose and stay grounded in what matters most, especially when life feels overwhelming or uncertain.
Why Do Values Matter?
“It’s not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.” ― Roy Disney
When your core values are unclear, life can start to feel out of alignment. It’s easy to slip into autopilot, making choices out of habit, external pressure, or a desire to avoid discomfort. In this state, your actions may not reflect what truly matters to you, even if you’re staying busy or appearing successful on the surface.
But when you reconnect with your values, everything begins to shift. Your values become a steady internal compass, guiding you to make more intentional, meaningful choices. They help you move through life with greater clarity, purpose, and confidence.
Here’s how living in alignment with your values can reshape your experience:
- Your decisions become more intentional. Rather than reacting to circumstances or external expectations, you start choosing with clarity and conviction. Your actions reflect who you are and what truly matters to you.
- You gain clarity in uncertainty. Even when the next step isn’t obvious, your values provide direction. They don’t give you a map, but they help you navigate ambiguity with greater confidence.
- You build emotional resilience. During challenging times, your values act as a stabilizing force. They remind you why you’re doing what you’re doing, and help you persevere even when things feel overwhelming.
- You rediscover a sense of meaning. When your life aligns with your values, even ordinary tasks can feel purposeful. You begin to experience greater satisfaction, not from external achievements alone, but from living in a way that feels deeply authentic.
Step 1: Explore a Values Inventory
Use the list below (or another core values list) to begin identifying what resonates with you. Don’t overthink, just circle or highlight any values that feel important. After reviewing the list, try narrowing down your top 5–7 core values.
Core Values List:
- Acceptance
- Adventure
- Altruism
- Authenticity
- Autonomy
- Balance
- Beauty
- Belonging
- Challenge
- Collaboration
- Compassion
- Connection
- Contribution
- Courage
- Creativity
- Curiosity
- Dignity
- Discipline
- Diversity
- Empathy
- Equality
- Excitement
- Fairness
- Faith
- Family
- Flexibility
- Forgiveness
- Freedom
- Friendship
- Fun
- Generosity
- Gratitude
- Growth
- Harmony
- Health
- Honesty
- Hope
- Humility
- Humor
- Independence
- Innovation
- Integrity
- Joy
- Justice
- Kindness
- Knowledge
- Leadership
- Learning
- Love
- Loyalty
- Mindfulness
- Nature
- Openness
- Order
- Patience
- Peace
- Perseverance
- Playfulness
- Presence
- Purpose
- Reliability
- Respect
- Responsibility
- Safety
- Security
- Self-awareness
- Self-care
- Service
- Simplicity
- Spirituality
- Stability
- Strength
- Sustainability
- Trust
- Vitality
- Wisdom
Step 2: Reflect on a Peak Experience
Peak experiences reveal values that already guide your behavior. Identifying these values can clarify what brings you purpose, meaning, and vitality.
Think back to a time in your life when you felt deeply fulfilled, proud, or connected to something meaningful. These moments often reflect when your core values were most alive and expressed.
Journal Prompts:
- What were you doing, and what role did you play in the experience?
- Who was with you, and how did they contribute to the moment?
- What emotions did you feel, and what made the experience so impactful?
- Which personal values do you think were being honored in that moment?
Step 3: Notice When You Feel Off-Track
Discomfort can be a valuable signal. When you feel “off,” it’s often because something important to you is missing or being suppressed. Understanding this can help you make intentional changes toward greater alignment.
What are times when you’ve felt disconnected, frustrated, or depleted? These moments often signal a misalignment between your actions and your values.
Ask Yourself:
- What situations or environments consistently leave me feeling drained?
- Is there a conflict between what I’m doing and what I believe in?
- Which values might be neglected, overlooked, or compromised in these moments?
Step 4: Visualize a Values-Aligned Future
Visualization helps bridge the gap between insight and action. When you can clearly picture what a values-based life looks like, you’re more likely to move toward it—intentionally and with motivation.
Imagine a future where your daily life reflects your most important values; not a flawless life, but one that feels authentic and meaningful.
Try This:
- Visualize your ideal day. What are you doing, and how are you spending your time?
- Who are the people around you, and how do those relationships reflect your values?
- What kinds of work, hobbies, or interactions feel purposeful?
Step 5: Practice Living Your Values Daily
You won’t always be perfectly aligned, and that’s okay. Living your values is a daily practice, not a destination. Small, consistent actions rooted in your values build a more fulfilling and meaningful life over time.
Try These Practices:
- Use your values in decision-making. Ask yourself, “Which choice best reflects who I want to be?”
- Start a weekly values check-in. Reflect on questions like, “Which value did I embody today?” or “How can I honor my values more fully tomorrow?”
- Set values-based goals. For example: “I want to express integrity by giving honest feedback this week.”
- Name your ‘why.’ Connect challenging tasks to a deeper purpose. For example: “I’m doing this because it supports my value of growth.”
“Happiness is that state of consciousness which proceeds from the achievement of one’s values.” – Ayn Rand
Want Support in Clarifying or Living Your Values?
If you’re feeling stuck, disconnected, or unsure about your next steps, values work can be a powerful place to begin. I help adults dealing with ADHD, anxiety, burnout, and life transitions reconnect with who they are, and what truly matters.
Reach out today to schedule a free consultation.